Week 5

It's Official

I went in this morning for official pregnancy test. I was prepared for a long wait because the waiting room was full. But Nurse R saw me and pulled me right back. I was in and out in less than 15 minutes. The waiting until 4:00 in the afternoon really sucked though. I knew I was pregnant but I really wanted to hear what my hCG levels were. They ended up leaving me a message because my possessed phone never rang, but it is confirmed that I am pregnant and the magic number is 4150. I go back on Monday for another test to see if the numbers increased.  I am so excited.

I bought a small dry erase board so we can start taking progress pictures.  Now I just can't wait for the ultrasound to see how many stuck. I have a feeling it is only little girl, but we will see how good my intuition really is.

Well, it has been a long day. I am off to bed. Looking forward to Michael and I both being off of work tomorrow!

Merry Christmas

The last couple of days have been crazy, trying to finish up Christmas shopping, working, wrapping gifts, cooking and baking.  But we survived Christmas.

Christmas Eve I ended up only having to work until 2. We had our traditional Christmas Eve dinner and gift exchange with the in laws. We actually got home pretty early around 9 and I went straight to bed. Apparently growing life inside of you is exhausting. Caleb went back to his moms.

Christmas morning, I woke up early an started the tasks of cooking and cleaning.  I made three different desserts a Chocolate Egg Nog Pie, my Chocolate Godiva Cake and a Pineapple Upside Down Cake. I roasted a turkey, baked some macaroni and cheese and made some Parmesan spinach and mashed potatoes.

Caleb home around three and we opened our presents.  I think he was happy with his gifts

Yes, that is a record he is holding. He wanted a record player for Christmas. He is a pretty cool kid.

I think I managed to avoid drinking alcohol without arousing any suspicion. I even went for a bottle of alcohol during the Chinese gift exchange. I really can't wait until the first trimester is over and we can make our announcement. We still need to Caleb, but he is going to his Mom's today and I'm not sure when he is coming back and we want to tell him together. I'm a littler nervous. He has been his Dad's only child for 17 years and the center of his world and that is going to change.

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I woke up this morning and my boobs were sore and I was so excited. I know I am a little crazy, but every symptom makes the pregnancy more a reality. I go to the doctor tomorrow for my official blood test.

Patience may be a virtue, but I don't care

December 22

I spent the last couple of days driving myself crazy over every symptom and lack of symptom. I joined some trying to conceive boards and I really think they just added fuel to the fire. I did read that you can start getting a positive test 9 days after transfer. Yesterday was the 9th day. I debated taking a test not wanting to ruin my Christmnas, but I told myself if it turned out negative it wouldn't be the end of the world, it would just be too soon and I would wait until after the holidays. But if it was positive it would be the best Christmas present ever.

That's right you are seeing two lines, the second one is kind of faint but it is there! After years of taking tests and never seeing two lines, I think I was in shock for a few minutes. I then confirmed with Nurse R that none of the medication I was on would cause a false positive and she said it wouldn't and congratulations. I took another test this morning and the second line appeared faster and brighter than yesterday. It looks like my life long dream is coming true. My prayers are answered. 

XOXOX
Love and Sticky Baby Glue

The Most Beautiful Uterus in the World

Is it strange that I'm already a little bit it love? It is amazing being able to see the embryo entering the uterus, it looks like a shooting star in the night sky. I'm hoping it is a wish that comes true.
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Today was transfer day.  My alarm clock went off at 5:30 this morning and the rain made it very tempting to just stay in bed, but I had a teenager to get up and ready for school.

After I got Caleb off to school, I finished getting myself ready and my mom picked me up around 8:40.  On our drive to the doctors I began drinking my 32 oz of water. I finished just as we arrived at the office.  It was a very bad sign that the lobby was full of people. I knew I would not be seen in a timely manner.  After the first hour I had to break the seal twice, but they finally brought me back and I undressed from the waist down and donned the blue cap and waited to be brought to the procedure room.

Nurse R(NR) brings me back and straps me into the stirrups, the embryologist (EM) asked me to confirm my name and date of birth and went to retrieve my embryos. EM gave Dr. B the grading and we had three good "B's". So, I am half naked and Dr. B asks me if I want to transfer two or three. It's always hard to think when I am half naked.  He tells me likelihoods of triplets is less than 10%. I look to my mom and she tells me to put it in God's hands, so I agree to three. Then NR asks me how I feel about twins.  I would love twins, always wanted twins, but I think Michael would freak out.

I'm sure you remember my very full bladder, well my immediate wish was to not pee on Dr. B.  As they get everything set up to make sure the view on the ultrasound is perfect, Dr. B and NR both commenting about how beautiful  my uterus is.Then we started thinking of songs to replace a word with uterus. My favorite was "The Most Beautiful Uterus in the World"

The transfer itself was pretty simple, with the IUI the catheter was uncomfortable but I didn't feel anything this time, I just has the wonder o see on the ultrasound

I'm praying the first time is a charm. I'll find out on December 24th. It will either be an amazing Christmas or a disappointing one.

xoxo

Love & Baby Dust

Ten!!

I was a complete and total slacker yesterday  I went to the store to buy laundry detergent and ice cream and then I stopped to get a Slurpee. I spent the rest of the day relaxing.

Today I heard from the doctor's office and received the news that 10 eggs were fertilized, and that is really awesome. The nurse's exact words, not mine.  Hopefully a good number of them will develop and survive o day five.  I go in on Wednesday morning for the transfer. I think I am going to take the full day off of work so I can keep my legs up and relax the whole day.

I have felt like a pill popper the last 2 days with all the meds I am on right now. Once a day I take Medrol 16 mg (at night), low dose aspirin 81 mg and the prenatal vitamin. Twice a day I take an antibiotic and Estradiol 2 mg, I'm also on Crinone 8% (gel) once a day. I have to keep a daily checklist to make sure I don't forget anything.

Unfortunately Michael won' be able to take any time off on Wednesday morning to come with me. It makes me sad because he should be there at that moment. If it is successful Michael will regret being there.  My mom is going to come with me so I can have some moral support with me.

I'm trying stay positive and hopeful, but realistic. Everyone I know who has done this has not been successful the first time. I'm hoping to be the first.

xoxo
Love and Baby Dust

Retrieval Day

There is so much to write and I don't even know where to begin.

I guess I will start with Wednesday's appointment, it was pretty much the same as the earlier ones, except this time everything looked and instead of being along my merry way I was taken to the nurses office for my instructions. I had to take my trigger shot that night at 11:30. Thursday I was to start taking Doxycycline twice a day and report for the retrieval Friday morning at 11:30.  Wednesday was a great night, only 1 shot!

Thursday night was quiet, I was very happy to not have any shots that evening.  Caleb came to me to ask me about what was going on. We have been pretty quiet about the IVF.  So I gave him a brief lesson in the whole process and he handled it pretty well.  I was a little scared that he wouldn't a new baby very well, but he is pretty accepting of it. They grow up so fast. I think he will make an excellent big brother.

Today was the big day, Retrieval Day! I wasn't even nervous, probably because I was too busy being hungry, thirsty and cranky. Once I arrive at the center, they had me change into one of the oh so fashionable gowns, you know the ones with the air conditioning in the back. Plus I was able to accessorize it with a stylish blue hair cap. They set me up with the IV and took my vitals and then brought me to the actual room for the retrieval.  I remember the anesthesiology saying this is for the nausea, this is for pain and this is for...

Next thing I know I am waking up in the recovery room and Michael is there holding my hands and he tells me they retrieved 13 eggs.

The nurse will call on Sunday to give us an update on how many fertilized and survived. I'm praying for a good number.

I am spending the rest of the day on the couch and taking it east.

xoxox
Love & Baby Dust

Lollipops and Brownies

I really do have the best husband in the world.  I am sure that giving nightly shots isn’t his cup of tea, but he is always patient and gentle, even when I regress back to a 3 year old.  The other day, I was having an exceptionally difficult time with receiving the shots, to the point that I was in tears.  Michael suggested I think of some of my favorite things, so I said lollipops and brownies. He then proceeded to turn it into a song.

Lollipops ad Brownies, Lollipops and brownies
Lollipops and Brownies are a unicorn’s favorite food

He now sings it to me every night as he is giving me the shots.  We will probably have to add on to it.

I had another check up today. The right ovary decided it didn’t want to be left out and joined in the fun. We had a couple of 12s and 13s on. The left side has had about 8 follicles ranging 13 and 17. I’ll be going back on Wednesday, but they expect that will be the last scan, so only two more nights of multiple shots. There will be one more injection, a trigger shot for ovulation and then it will be retrieval time!

I'll be back on Wednesday.

xoxox
Love & Baby Dust

Day 10

One thing I have learned about myself this week is that I never have to worry about becoming a heroin addict. I really do detest the shot. Right now I am up to three shots a night.  The doctor added Ganirelix to monthly injections to prevent premature ovulation.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday to see how things are progressing.  Apparently my right ovary is being very lazy and the left one is doing all the work.  The doctor is expecting for the retrieval to take place towards the end of the week.

A funny thing did happen at the doctors yesterday. I had my legs up in the stirrups waiting for the ultrasound and the doctor inserts the probe and says "It will just be a minute, we are having computer issues". It was terribly awkward and I felt a little violated. It was definitely different from when I tell clients to hold for a minute because I am having computer issues

I'll be back at the doctor tomorrow morning and we will see what they see.

In other news, we put up our Christmas tree today. Christmas time is my favorite time of year.

XOXO

Love & Baby Dust

Day 3

I had a brief moment of panic today when I realized Michael wasn't going to be home in time tonight to give me my injections. For about half a second I considered doing it myself, but I started getting nauseous. I then asked my mom to help out, but she turned a little green.  Thankfully, my sister has come to the rescue. My niece and nephew both had PICC lines when they were younger, so she isn't too squeamish.  She will be arriving tonight to help me out. I am a little nervous though.  I am just now starting to not feel anxious when it time for Michael to do it. I am sure it will be fine though.

I am starting to have some minor side effects  from the medications.  The last two nights I woke up with hot flashes and today I have been so exhausted. I haven't felt like doing too much.  After my walk and breakfast I vegged out on the couch for about 5 hours.  I finally got up and went grocery shopping and did a little housework, but now I am just relaxing waiting for my sister to get here, before I turn in for the night.

I have three doctor appointments this week for Trans-vaginal ultrasounds and blood work  Oh Joy, more needles. My appointments are all at 8 in the morning and I am expecting them to last 2 hours. There is always a wait at the doctor's office.I'll be working 11-8 this week. It is going to be a long week. But I am going to my best to not stress and to get a lot of rest. I'm growing winning eggs.

*edit* My sister did a great job giving me my shots!

xoxox
Love & Baby Dust

Let the injections begin

I hate needles and I tend to freak out a little bit when it is time for me to get blood drawn or to get a shot.  I haven't had much of a choice other than to just get over it, with all the blood work I have done lately.  But giving myself a shot? Nope! No way! Never going to happen.  Fortunately my dear husband Michael is up to challenge and had a little bit of training from his military days.

We decided that 9:00 will be the magic time to take my shot each night. Around 8:45 I started to get notice but began to get everything all set up.  The shots were actually easier than I thought. I think Michael missed his calling he could have been a doctor or a nurse.

In case you were wondering, the doctor has me on 20 units of low dose hCG and 400 units of Follistim.

I need to be sure to take a belly picture, from what I understand there will be a lot of bloat with this medication.  I am just hoping it doesn't make me crazy, well at least not any crazier than I already am.

XOXOX
Love & Baby Dust

First Steps

Today I updated my Facebook status to “Today I embark on a new journey”.  The more I think about it, I realize it isn't a new journey I am taking. This is the path I have been on my entire life. It’s my destiny to be a mom.  There have been many disappointments and detours along the way, but I am finally back on the right track. I'll be turning 35 next month; this part of my journey is starting about 10 years later than I originally planned.  It’s funny the way life has a way of getting in the way of plans.

I believe everything happens for a reason therefore when something doesn't happen it is for a reason too. Ten years ago, I really wasn't ready for a child of my own. I spent my late teens and early twenties in a series of unhealthy relationships. I was to insecure and spent too much time in the darkness to bring a child in the world.

Then I met my wonderful husband and I thought, well now must be the time.  But, he spent too much time working overseas and I wanted an active partner in raising a child.  I also needed to spend those years leaning how to be a stepmom. It isn't always easy helping to raise someone else’s child, but is very rewarding.

Now the time is right, the stars are aligned, the insurance is in place, and my crappy work schedule is actually perfect for the numerous doctors’ appointments I will have to go during the next few weeks.

Today I had my baseline appointment; they did an ultrasound and took some blood. The ultrasound looked great and assuming the blood works comes back OK to I will start taking injections at the end of the week.

I am so blissfully happy, just knowing that this first step has been taken.  I hope you will continue to walk along this path with me. 

xoxox

Love & Baby Dust

My Optimism gets the best of me again.

I knew this round of the IUI wasn't going to work. I resigned myself to the fact. I told my husband and BFF that I knew it wasn't going to work. I started making plans for IVF in the future. In my head I knew it wasn't going to work.  Mentally I had accepted.  Someone forgot to tell my heart though.  My cycle started today and I was devastated.  It really doesn't get easier.

But I had myself a good cry and I'll be taking January and February off.  I'll be ready to begin IVF in March.

Resolutions

I have been a total slacker with writing in here, but I will do better in 2012.  Our first three IUI attempts were not sucessful and the last failure was particulary hard for me. I found out I wasn't pregnant just after my birthday and right before Christmas. At the same time I found out one of my cousins and his wife are expecting. Let's just say it was an emotional time for me.

This mornng we are up early on New Year's Eve for our last shot at IUI. If this doesn't work the doctor thinks we should move onto IVF.  Michael isn't much a morning person, as evident by the fact that he just growled at me.

I had to stop writing yesterday because it was time to leave.  The IUI went well yesterday.  We made it to the doctor at 8 and first up was for Michael to make his donation.  There was only one other couple there and they were called back first and the husband went in by himself.  I always wonder if it is strange that I go back with Michael.  Once we were done we had to wait an hour so we had our traditional breakfast at Panera's.

When we returned the doctor did the insemination and we discussed the possibility of IVF.  Michael was very happy with the doctor's instructions to have sex everyday for the rest of the long weekend. I am hopeful, but realistically I am not expecting the IUI to work. I am starting to my prepare myself for having to do the IVF.