Friday, August 15, 2014

Willis vs. Stallone

Watching last night's Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and the first guest is Sylvester. I'm immediately saddened by the the thought that Caleb should be here watching with me. We could have another  round in our ongoing argument on who is the worst actor,  Sylvester Stallone or Bruce Willis.  I always that Bruce Willis we the better actor.  We would have so much fun arguing. 

It's not fair that he isn't here. If I think about it, I get sad and want to cry. I push the tears away,  knowing one day I'll have to face them

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

I'd like to wake up now

In all of the different futures I imagined,  Caleb was always there with Rylee and Robbie.  How am I supposed accept this new reality?  I am still waiting to wake up from this awful dream.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Trials of eliminating the dreaded bottle.

*not sure why this didn't post back in August

Now that the the Twinjas are 1, it's time to stop using bottles.  At this point we are down to a wake up bottle and a bedtime bottle.  They use cups during the day. This post will chronicle our attempts.

Day 1: Rylee flung the cup across the room and they both cried until I gave them a bottle.

Day 2: I gave them cereal in their snack cups and milk in their cups and sat them in their chairs.  Robbie ignored his cup and Rylee repeatedly tossed her cup aside. They finished off their cereal and I ended up giving them their bottles.

Day 3: After a late night in the ER, I didn't even bother trying.

Day 4: I'm feeling cautiously optimistic.  I sat them in their chairs this morning and turned on Daniel Tiger's neighborhood and gave them the cups of milk. Robbie drank most of it after some encouragement.  Rylee drank a little but didn't finish right awat. But she , never drank her formula bottle right away either. She always grazed.  After 10 minutes with only the cups, I offered them the snack cups with cereal.  I will continue with his method for the rest of week.

Day 5: We have successfully eliminated the morning bottle.  They will both happily drink while watching Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood followed by some Honey Nut Os.


A day doesn't go by where I don't think about Caleb or miss him.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

The day my world fell apart

Exactly one month ago today* was the beginning of an awful nightmare that I still haven't woke up from. We loss our Caleb in a tragic car accident.

It was the middle of the night when received the phone call. I remember being on shock and disbelief. I start to cry, but then Rylee and Robbie woke up and that was the start of pushing my feelings down deep so I could take care of everyone else.

The funeral was touching because so many people came out, there wasn't enough room for everyone. If I was  given the chance to spesk this is what I would have said.

I recently saw a quote on a fellow stepmom's page, it said "I don't have stepson, I have a son who happened to be born before I met him". There was no "step" in our relationship (other than identifying our relationship to others). But in my heart he was just as much mine as Rylee and Robbie.

I remember the first time I met him, he was 9 I was so nervous because I really wanted his approval. We had lunch at Joe's Crab Shack. We were instant friends, he accepted and welcomed me right away.

During the first year of our relationship, Michael became a contractor overseas. I was so sad to see Michael go because I knew I would miss Caleb too. I figured I wouldn't have contact with him. But he called me often.

There are so many memories that I will hold dear. But one that means the most is the first time he told me he loved me. It was during a trip to Disney with my Bennett family. After a long day at the Magic Kingdom, we were standing in line at the candy store and he just said "I love you, LaLa". I was so happy to hear it, I wanted to cry. But I played it cool and just said it back.

Caleb was the heart of our family. He was awesome for so many reasons.   He was such an amazing big brother.  He took such excellent care of "his babies". They all loved each other very much. It breaks my heart knowing Rylee and Robbie won't remember how much he loved them.  But vow to tell them everyday.

I love you Caleb and I will miss you every day until we meet again.

*written 7/24\14