The day my world fell apart

Exactly one month ago today* was the beginning of an awful nightmare that I still haven't woke up from. We loss our Caleb in a tragic car accident.

It was the middle of the night when received the phone call. I remember being on shock and disbelief. I start to cry, but then Rylee and Robbie woke up and that was the start of pushing my feelings down deep so I could take care of everyone else.

The funeral was touching because so many people came out, there wasn't enough room for everyone. If I was  given the chance to spesk this is what I would have said.

I recently saw a quote on a fellow stepmom's page, it said "I don't have stepson, I have a son who happened to be born before I met him". There was no "step" in our relationship (other than identifying our relationship to others). But in my heart he was just as much mine as Rylee and Robbie.

I remember the first time I met him, he was 9 I was so nervous because I really wanted his approval. We had lunch at Joe's Crab Shack. We were instant friends, he accepted and welcomed me right away.

During the first year of our relationship, Michael became a contractor overseas. I was so sad to see Michael go because I knew I would miss Caleb too. I figured I wouldn't have contact with him. But he called me often.

There are so many memories that I will hold dear. But one that means the most is the first time he told me he loved me. It was during a trip to Disney with my Bennett family. After a long day at the Magic Kingdom, we were standing in line at the candy store and he just said "I love you, LaLa". I was so happy to hear it, I wanted to cry. But I played it cool and just said it back.

Caleb was the heart of our family. He was awesome for so many reasons.   He was such an amazing big brother.  He took such excellent care of "his babies". They all loved each other very much. It breaks my heart knowing Rylee and Robbie won't remember how much he loved them.  But vow to tell them everyday.

I love you Caleb and I will miss you every day until we meet again.

*written 7/24\14